Aggravation
by Jedipati
Summary: There are days when Sam just needs to rant about his new subjects.  Their creator is pretty much a captive audience.  Michael is just bored.  Another "Heaven, Hell, and a Mechanic" story.


_Title:_ Aggravation

_Wordcount: _1950

_Rating:_ PG

_Characters:_ Sam, Lucifer, Michael

_Warnings_: Mentions of demons being demons

_Summary:_ There are days when Sam just needs to rant about his new subjects. Their creator is pretty much a captive audience. Michael is just bored. Another "Heaven, Hell, and a Mechanic" story.

_Spoilers/Warning:_ Spoilers for the first five seasons, none for season six.

i_N_: This is another story in the Heaven, Hell, and a Mechanic verse. In this universe, Sam is Lord of Hell, Castiel is an archangel and is keeping order in heaven, and Dean is a mechanic. Yeah. It's a bit of a crack series, but its fun (and has a lot less angst than the show right now)

Once again, thanks really go to **viridian_magpie** for the very fast beta work.

* * *

"That is enough!" Sam Winchester, the Lord of Hell shouted. He stood up and slammed his hands on the conference table. His chair flew back and hit the wall behind him. "I've had it! Adam, you're in charge. Bela, Crowley, you two work on figuring out how to get the Crossroads Demons to behave without killing them all. And it had better work. And Meg… I want you to tell the torturers that they are off duty until they've proven to me that they will not exceed their orders. Or they will end up on the rack themselves. No one is to bring me any problems for a day unless heaven invades. Am I clear?"

Adam nodded, smiling. "Of course, Sam. And I'll keep everyone in line." Sam could trust his half-brother to manage everything, no matter what.

"Good. Now, I need to go have a talk with the idiotic angel who thought creating demons was a good idea."

Sam focused and teleported into the cavern at the center of Hell. He glared up into the cage, his arms crossed. "What were you thinking?" he demanded.

Over the past few decades, Sam had finally learned how to tell the angelic brothers apart, and it was Lucifer who had drifted down to talk to him. "About what, Sam?" Lucifer asked. He sounded amused.

He always sounded amused, and that was one of the reasons Sam sometimes wished he could strangle the devil. Unfortunately, that wasn't one of his abilities as Lord of Hell. "No, seriously. What were you thinking? Oh, look, here's some humans. I'll just corrupt them and make them stupid! I mean, how could you possibly think that was a good idea? Demons are absolute bloody morons compared to humans!" Sam groaned. "And I've been spending too much time with Crowley; I'm starting to use his favorite words." Sam threw his arms up in the air and started pacing.

Lucifer snorted, coughed, and then started laughing. Michael looked down at them.

"Oh, Sam," Lucifer finally said, still chuckling. "Demons can be very intelligent."

"Very rarely," Sam retorted. "Most of them couldn't reason their way out of a paper bag."

"You could say the same thing about humans," Lucifer pointed out.

Sam scowled and turned away from the archangel. He did, however, continue muttering to himself.

Finally, Lucifer broke into his thoughts. "Why are you here, Sam?" he asked.

Sam sighed and leaned against the rough wall closest to where Lucifer hung in midair. "It's just… too much, sometimes. I'm changing things about Hell, a lot of things. Some demons aren't too happy about it. Crowley and Bobby had to deal with a bunch of them just a week ago. A week ago earth time. I have to change things. I can't let them stay the same."

"Sam, Hell has been in existence for millennia, it's not easy to change," Lucifer said.

"Nor should it be," Michael said, entering the conversation for the first time. "Hell is a place of punishment for those who do not follow God."

Sam glared up at him. "I think it should be changed. No one should go through what Dean experienced. I can't… I know I can't change it completely, not with the demons I've got to deal with. But I can make it easier on new souls."

"A laudable, if entirely too compassionate, goal," Lucifer said. "So that is what you are doing when you're not talking to us?"

Sam nodded. "Yeah. I have to be careful, but I am changing things."

Lucifer rearranged himself. To Sam, it looked like he was sitting in midair- at least as much as his true form could look like it was sitting. "And some demons have been giving you problems?"

"The Crossroads Demons," Sam replied. "Crowley's mostly got them under control, but they hate the idea of not tempting children." Sam shook his head. "One of the deals made last year was with a nine year old. I can't let that happen again. I've made fifteen the absolute youngest. Bela isn't happy about it, but she has no say in the matter."

"Bela?"

Sam shook his head. "Never mind."

"I think that's a bad idea, Sam," Lucifer said. "If humans really want something, they'll go after it."

Sam rolled his eyes. "I know," he said. "But this will give kids a chance to think it over."

Lucifer snorted. "You're too kindhearted to rule Hell, Sam."

"Yeah, well, you're the one who gave me the blessing when I ran the Gauntlet," Sam retorted. "Anyway, I still think demons are dumber then dirt."

"Of course they are," Lucifer said. "I never claimed the majority of them were otherwise."

Sam just huffed. "Seriously, though. What were you thinking, taking human souls and making demons out of them?"

Michael actually drifted down toward and "sat" in the air like Lucifer. "I confess I'm curious as well."

Lucifer glanced at his brother, then down at his former vessel. He sighed and tilted his head. Sam sometimes wondered why the angel bothered. It wasn't like he needed to breathe. "I wanted to show our father how wrong he was about humans."

Sam frowned. Michael tilted his head just like Lucifer had done a moment ago. "What?" they chorused. Sam looked up at Michael to find the archangel staring down at him.

Lucifer started laughing. Once he'd calmed down, he shifted his wings. "I knew humans weren't worthy of our father's love, Michael," he said.

Sam rolled his eyes. Lucifer ignored him.

"So, I had to prove it to him. Lilith was easy to turn."

"And did it not occur to you that Father loves humans because of the choices they make?" Michael asked.

Lucifer stared at his brother. "They chose against him all the time, brother. How can he love them for that?"

Sam didn't say anything as Michael shot up and hovered near the upper edge of the cage.

Lucifer turned his attention back to Sam. "Did I answer your question?"

"Close enough. Demons are still stupid, though. And set in their ways."

"And, sometimes, effective enough for my purposes. They managed to implement a plan to get me out of here, did they not? Even if you put me back in, I was free for a time."

Sam rolled his eyes. "And they were stupid enough to think that I'd just roll over and be your vessel."

"It took a lot of effort to get as far as they did," Lucifer replied. "I can't blame them for not pushing you far enough. And you did say yes."

Sam grinned. "And then I tossed us both down here."

Lucifer scowled. It was normally at this point that their talks ended, but Sam wasn't ready to head back to dealing with his subjects.

After a moment, Lucifer seemed to realize Sam wasn't leaving.

In fact, Sam had sat down and was leaning back against the wall. "How did you deal with it?" Sam asked. "When you were out, did the demons want you to handle every single detail? Didn't want to decide anything without your input?"

Lucifer stared down at him. "Unfortunately, yes. Lilith and Azazel both liked it that way. They decided everything. I didn't know that when they ran the Gauntlet. It was extremely irritating."

Sam rolled his eyes. "That's putting it mildly," he said. "It's a nightmare, and I hate it. I've started delegating, but a lot of the demons don't even seem to know what that means. I'm lucky Adam's around, really. He, at least, gets it."

"Ah yes, your half brother," Lucifer said. "And have you made any progress in finding a way to get him back to heaven?"

Sam sighed and tilted his head back. "Unfortunately no," he said. "And Adam's having too much fun down here, believe it or not. He's a marvel- far more patient than Dean or I ever were. He likes bossing the demons around."

Lucifer chuckled. "I take it he's happy?"

Sam shrugged. "I don't know. Cas and I are still looking, because Adam didn't deserve all this. He was happy in Heaven, too. At least he can go up to Earth when he wants to."

"Sam, what set you off today?" Lucifer asked.

Michael glanced down at them. It was obvious that the archangel was only pretending to ignore them.

Sam sighed. "I'm not sure," he admitted. "The demons were being idiots, but that's nothing new. Maybe it just got to be too much. I don't know."

"I think you do," Lucifer said. "You were upset over how the Crossroads Demons are reacting to your limits. You didn't like it. You're upset over the torturing that is still going on. You're upset that demons are still cruel, evil beings."

Sam sighed. "I don't expect them not to be," he said. "Demons are evil, and there's nothing that can be done to change that."

"No, but you do expect them to obey you."

"Of course I do," Sam said. "I'm their leader now, thanks to you."

Lucifer nodded. "Have you been having troubles with rebellions?"

"Not in the last three years," Sam said. "Not after I vaporized the leader of the last one."

"Ah, yes," Lucifer said. "That was a wonderful display of temper. I never did find out what set you off like that."

Sam rolled his eyes. "The Leviathan declared that I was nothing more than a fraud and that you would return and kill all who followed me, including Adam and Dean. Plus, I knew that if I didn't take care of him, others would start to think they could disobey me. So I just let my powers do what they wanted."

"That was ill-advised," Michael said. "What if your powers had gotten out of control?"

Sam rolled his eyes. "They don't get out of control," he said. "And what do you care? If they were to get out of control, the most likely thing to happen would be that I'd be vaporized."

"When you are not here, I only have Lucifer for company, and between us, we have already gone over most subjects." Michael grumbled.

Sam blinked. "You're bored," he said. "That's why… you're both bored."

He just stared up at them. He'd never thought about that. It wasn't something that he'd ever have thought about. He knew angels could get bored- Castiel had proved that in the last year- but he'd had no idea that Michael and Lucifer were bored.

And there wasn't much he could do about it, either. "I'm sorry," he said.

Lucifer shook his head. "Believe me, Sam. It's better than it was last time. Last time, I was alone. Now, I have my brother."

Sam sighed. "Yeah, I guess I get that," he said.

Michael waved it away. "No matter, Sam. Clearly, this is our current destiny."

"You and your destiny crap," Sam said, shaking his head. "No, this is just free will winning out."

"Can we not have this argument again?" Lucifer broke in.

Sam waved his hand. "Fine by me," he said. He paused. Crowley was trying to get his attention. Finally, he sighed. "There's an angel here to meet with me," he said. "I think it's one of Cas' loyalists, but some of the lower level demons are panicking, or so Crowley says. I better go deal with this." He rolled his eyes. "Demons are really stupid."

Well, he had said to only go get him if Heaven invaded, so he supposed this counted. Michael snorted. "They are," he said. "Better go keep them from doing something monumentally stupid, like killing the messenger."

Sam tossed off an extremely ironic salute and teleported away to the sound of Lucifer's laughter.


End file.
